Thoughts on Sustainability

Back in December, I was among a few volunteers who presented a "success story" during our Sustainability Conference. The Sustainability Conference is the last conference that takes place with PC Volunteers, our respective Principals, school and community counterparts as well as representatives from the National Indonesian Government Partners. 

Here's what I said 4 months ago:

It’s getting to be that time where we no longer count up, we countdown. 7 months left of Peace Corps service and in the beginning of December, ID-7, my group that I started this journey with 20 months ago will have our sustainability conference. Sustainability. Sustainability, it’s a heavy word. It’s a word that holds a lot of meaning in it. It holds the key to our service. It holds the whole reason we were placed here to begin with, it holds our measure of “success”. 

So is that how we measure success? Is that how we measure successful volunteers based on how many sustainable projects they have? Based on how many students they taught English? Based on how many teachers use new methods of teaching English? Are we measured by statistics gathered every few months through our Volunteer Report Form (VRF)? 20 months and what is it that we have done?

I finished reading Keeping Kennedy’s Promise and it spoke about Peace Corps as an institution, its shortcomings and small successes. It captures the vision of flaws in the system. I dreamed of being a Peace Corps Volunteer. This was my dream. Everything I did since I was in high school was meant to prepare me to be accepted into the Peace Corps, a program that I had idealized. A program that I held in such high regard. Now, I’m here and Peace Corps is nothing like what I imagined. The journey to get here was amazing and tremendous but 20 months into this, this is nothing like what I had expected Peace Corps to be about, but that doesn't mean I’m not grateful for this journey. That doesn't mean I didn't learn and grow. 

I told my principal we were chosen to talk about a success story, my principal and I both laughed since I recently had a breakdown. She told me to talk about the reality of the situation, the good and the bad. So I am. Our success story is that we are still here. The 17 of us, the first volunteers to be placed in West Java are still here for the good and the bad.

My success story is that for every obstacle I went through, I had more people than I could count that were willing to help me, that were willing to listen to me, that were willing to support me. The success of our service is not measured in statistics; the success of our service is measured in the relationships that we have created in our communities. The people we have called home when we, ourselves, have felt far away. Those are the people who taught us what it really means to take a chance on someone.

My sustainability cannot be captured on a form, my students are not statistics, my service is not to be measured. So what I do leave behind, what is considered successful? The correct answer is who knows? None of us know. Time will tell, but I don’t know if I have had any impact. Instead of focusing on sustainability, I’m going to focus on people. On sustainable relationships. I’m going to focus on people who inspire me. People who I believe will leave a sustainable impact in their communities. Not me- but them. They didn't need me to be that way, they were inspiring way before I came along. So what is my purpose here as a volunteer? My purpose is to help make their dreams and goals come true, my purpose is to make their jobs easier to achieve in whatever way I can. So for the next few months, I’m going to focus on those people, my sustainable relationships and the reasons why they inspire me and those around them.

I wrote that Peace Corps is not what I expected. Peace Corps opened my eyes to the reality of development, to take a step further out of my ideal vision of what my role in development would be as a volunteer. I believe most volunteers come from a place of idealism. That is the best place to be but acceptance, integration and flexibility those are all on us. Whether we realize it or not, even though there may be a need for volunteers (because the host country governments are the ones inviting the Peace Corps), our villages and communities often aren't aware of our purpose. 

In America, we have a strong sense of volunteerism and the importance of community service ingrained in us, or perhaps this is my personal experience coming from 14 years of an all-girls Catholic school education. Most people are grateful and admire volunteers. As Americans, I think most of us are accustomed to that sense of appreciation and the understanding of "self-sacrifice" for the good of helping others. This isn't a very common concept in most host countries, especially rural villages and areas. You don't get recognition or acknowledgment for simply being a good person. You have to understand that being a good person or doing a good deed, doesn't always need acclaim and applause. Although it's encouraging in our society, the reality is that not every achievement will be known. In fact, most of the time, all the small things or big things will be yours and yours alone. It's wonderful to share those moments with friends, fellow volunteers, family and community members. However, more often than not as a Peace Corps volunteer, you learn to be okay with a memory belonging only to you. A memory that may not be captured, a memory that may not be told, a memory that may not be easy to share, just know that that's okay. This is your memory. My peace corps service belongs to me, and me alone. Most of us have memories that we can share, but only we alone will understand. Others may be able to relate, but understanding is a whole other level. It's one of those things where you'd have to be there to understand. These stories are told in the moment. 

I'll end with a video of myself and one of my closest friends and confidantes in a place that has encompassed a majority of my service and many of the moments that are difficult to explain because you simply had to be there. This video was taken over a year ago in my attempts to preserve a memory.

Sustainability lies in the foundation of the present carried into the future. So concentrate on the present. Be there for the memories and don't worry about it being captured, because time will show how a memory grows into something more.